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abendgulesElizabeth Brown, on-the-scene reporter for the upstart 'zine "Figure Disasters", reports from London's streets:
Sadly, this is not an inspired year for the fashionistas of North America, hoping for inspiration from that Big City Where They Talk Funny.
Observers are profoundly disappointed with this year's crop of sillouettes and statements, seen on the streets of London.
Here are three of the Major Looks that are Major Disappointments for critics:
1. The "low-cut, love-handles-R-us" look:
Scores of otherwise reasonable and quite intelligent women are now being seen in public, wearing hip-height jeans and slacks, regardless of the suitability of their figures. By all accounts, these women are wearing these outfits voluntarily, and are still in charge of their own closets.
The newly visible love handles, previously only the purview of plumbers and embarrassing aged male relations caught in undershirts, are now de rigeur for women of all descriptions.
Even regular-sized women find themselves displaying an inordinate amount of 'rollover', in a failed effort to look like Callista Flockheart or Kate Moss on casual Friday.
Where will it end? because this look in questionable taste is paired with...
2. "The-dryer-ate-my-shirt": Topping these 'handy handle' bottoms are stretch tops that have a dream - to reach the beltline of their wearers. Sadly hopes are dashed, as spandex and lycra contents are pushed to the limits wrapping round all figure shapes imaginable, and some unimaginable, aiming for decency,
and falling heartbreakingly short, so to speak.
Women who wouldn't be caught dead in bathing suits are leaping into blouses, shirts and tees, even in the office, that hide nothing, to very poor effect.
Observers are absolutely stunned this evidence of the power of mass marketing over commonsense.
And finally, tying these two together, we've seen...
3. The "top triangle" - thong underwear riding high and mighty above the hipsters.
Apparently, a new damn-the-wedgies attitude is taking over: women, who would otherwise protest at being slowly and silently tormented by such dubious foundations as corsets, control tops or starched anything, are queueing up to wear tacky coloured strings that peep out above their belts.
Now admittedly, I've not heard any of the guys complaining yet, but I have to wonder how you get anyone to take you seriously at work, when your underwear is proving a distraction...
So the sum of this is...enjoy the comfort of your stretch jeans and big tops at home this year. London is rife with fashion disasters, and the smart money is on saving for next year's Pennsic.
This is Elizabeth Brown, signing off from London.
Sadly, this is not an inspired year for the fashionistas of North America, hoping for inspiration from that Big City Where They Talk Funny.
Observers are profoundly disappointed with this year's crop of sillouettes and statements, seen on the streets of London.
Here are three of the Major Looks that are Major Disappointments for critics:
1. The "low-cut, love-handles-R-us" look:
Scores of otherwise reasonable and quite intelligent women are now being seen in public, wearing hip-height jeans and slacks, regardless of the suitability of their figures. By all accounts, these women are wearing these outfits voluntarily, and are still in charge of their own closets.
The newly visible love handles, previously only the purview of plumbers and embarrassing aged male relations caught in undershirts, are now de rigeur for women of all descriptions.
Even regular-sized women find themselves displaying an inordinate amount of 'rollover', in a failed effort to look like Callista Flockheart or Kate Moss on casual Friday.
Where will it end? because this look in questionable taste is paired with...
2. "The-dryer-ate-my-shirt": Topping these 'handy handle' bottoms are stretch tops that have a dream - to reach the beltline of their wearers. Sadly hopes are dashed, as spandex and lycra contents are pushed to the limits wrapping round all figure shapes imaginable, and some unimaginable, aiming for decency,
and falling heartbreakingly short, so to speak.
Women who wouldn't be caught dead in bathing suits are leaping into blouses, shirts and tees, even in the office, that hide nothing, to very poor effect.
Observers are absolutely stunned this evidence of the power of mass marketing over commonsense.
And finally, tying these two together, we've seen...
3. The "top triangle" - thong underwear riding high and mighty above the hipsters.
Apparently, a new damn-the-wedgies attitude is taking over: women, who would otherwise protest at being slowly and silently tormented by such dubious foundations as corsets, control tops or starched anything, are queueing up to wear tacky coloured strings that peep out above their belts.
Now admittedly, I've not heard any of the guys complaining yet, but I have to wonder how you get anyone to take you seriously at work, when your underwear is proving a distraction...
So the sum of this is...enjoy the comfort of your stretch jeans and big tops at home this year. London is rife with fashion disasters, and the smart money is on saving for next year's Pennsic.
This is Elizabeth Brown, signing off from London.
